90 days with your husband away

It's been 88 days since Chris left for OCS and in just 2 more days I head to Rhode Island to bring him home with me!  These 90 days have been both challenging and rewarding.  I have learned a lot about myself, about the strength of our relationship, and about the peace only God can provide.

A number of people have asked how I made it through 3 months without having a mental breakdown... so I thought I'd share a few tricks I discovered.  Hopefully they'll help you if you're in a similar situation with your loved one... whether he/she is away for a few days or a number of months!

Steps to Surviving 90 days with your husband away:

Step 1: Always remember that the peace of God transcends all understanding.  There is nothing that we can do alone as humans to have this type of peace.

Step 2: Making lists
A few weeks before Chris left I starting making two lists.  First was a list of goals for while he was away.  It gave me something to be excited about.  I couldn't wait to get started on my list and show him all I accomplished while he was gone!

Goals:
-Make flower pots for the balcony (Completed!)
-Start a blog (Completed!)
-Catch up on scrapbooking (not completed...)
-Be able to run 7 miles (not completed... up to 5 only)
-Complete all my required continuing medical education (not even close to completed...)
-Mail cards to any friends with birthdays (I think I've been pretty good about... but think I may have missed a few :-/ )
-Read 5 books (only read 3...)
-Finish decorating apartment (nope, not done...)
-Stop biting my finger nails (I actually did this... and then got stressed when stuck in traffic driving to Newport last weekend... back to square one)

The second list was one of things to do when bored and missing Chris:
-Go for a walk or run
-Go swimming
-Play with PJ (my cat)
-Call a long distant friend to catch up
-Paint nails
-Practice the piano
-Scrapbook
-Read a book
-Write a letter to Chris

These aren't my full lists, but you may have noticed something... I did a terrible job actually completing everything on my goals list.  But guess what!  That's ok!  I didn't compete everything because I had such wonderful friends and family who came up around me and kept me busy having fun that I didn't have time to do everything!  The important thing was having the lists and knowing that any time I was bored and missing Chris, I had goals to accomplish and things to do to keep busy and distract my mind from missing him.

Step 3: Pack your schedule!
I've always liked to use a calendar but this became even more important with Chris away.  Each week I would look ahead at my week, get in touch with friends, and schedule as many things to do as I could fit in!  Not only did this help to ensure that I kept busy, but it also gave me excitement when I could look ahead on my calendar and see the fun things I had coming up.

Step 4: Allow yourself occasional wallowing time
Every once in a while you just have to wallow... but with a limit.  As soon as Chris pulled away, all I really felt like doing was throwing away all my lists of goals and things to do and just wallow for 3 months.  Instead I told myself I could have 2 hours.  I sat and watched a sad movie and cried my little eyes out for those 2 hours and then I forced myself to get up and move on with things.  There were a few times I had to repeat this over the last 3 months... more often at first and then lessening as time went on.

Step 5: Write letters
As soon as Chris left I started writing letters.  Every time I wrote it helped me feel close to him.  I knew that I would like writing/receiving letters, but the impact that it had was much more significant that I ever could have imagined it would be.  It impossible to really describe... just do it and you'll understand!

Step 6: Travel or have visitors
Traveling and having visitors helped me during this time so much.  My mom came out to visit for 6 days and I also traveled to Wisconsin for a wedding/to visit friends for another 6 days.  Keeping busy in this way is priceless.

Step 7: Have a pet
We got PJ about a month before Chris left.  I can't even begin to explain what a blessing this kitten has been to me.  He has been my companion when home alone, the one I say hi to when I walk through the door, and the one who awakens me with love and cuddles.  With risk of sounding like a crazy cat lady, I don't think I would have survived this time anywhere near as successfully with him!!

With these steps and the immense love and support from my friends and family I have made it through!! Now don't get me wrong, I still dread the thought of 6 or 9 month deployments... but these 3 months have given me confidence that I will be able to make it through those time periods just as I made it through this one!